You have pushed all around you away because if they are "pushed away", they cant be close enough to hurt you. You have been hurt far too much and too deep to risk feeling that emotion again. Because if you do...you fear it may be the time that pushes you over the edge into oblivion.
I have been there and I know that you have GOT TO LET IT GO. You are not living if you are living alone. Yes, you MAY avert being hurt, but honestly its not likely. You will just be alone, sour, depressed, and hating your life.
And its selfish.
Yes, selfish. You are unique. You have a certain set of talents and gifts that no one else had. God created you as one of a kind. There is literally no one else on earth like you. You are the answer to someones prayers. If you isolate yourself, you are preventing that from being able to happen. Someone out there NEEDS you.
Isolation is not what God intended for your life. You may think its easier. But its not. I've been there remember? I know.
Life has hurt in it. There was never any promises that it wouldn't. In fact, we were told by God that we WOULD have hurts in this life. (John 1:33) We were also promised that in Heaven, we would never hurt again. Never cry again, never be cold or hungry again. Our reward is in Heaven. (Revelation 21:3-7)
That doesn't mean we cannot have joy and peace here though. We just have to learn to give our troubles, our hurts, our fears and disappointments to God. (Psalm 55:22, 1 Peter 5:7) He has a way of turning our mishaps into miracles. Our trials into triumphs. Its amazing.
Don't be a puppet for the devil any longer. Open the shades, turn on the lights, get out and walk around in the day. Make yourself accessible to those around you. If you get hurt, get up, dust off and go at it again. Refuse to give up or be shaken. God will help you. He will never leave you, never forsake you, and never give you up. He will be your ever present help in time of need if you let Him.
If this helped you or if you know of someone that this might be a blessing to, please pass it on. Thanks.