During those hard times, there are typically a few things that start that "fire". I don't claim to have all of the answers, but I have been through this for over 11 years now. I will just tell you what came up in my house, and what worked the best.
We didn't have any help when we started a blended family, we had to learn by trial and error, but I am glad that I can pass our wisdom and experience on to you. There are a few rules though...Lets check those out first.
#1. All kids are different, so some of this will work in your house and some of it may not.
#2. Married couples have their own idea of "how it will be in their house" and "in their marriage". That's cool, I understand....just take what will help, and throw the rest out. If I end up giving you one good idea that works, that's better than nothing, right?
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1. One of the number one hardest things is disciplining someone else's kid. It is hard for you, and it is hard for their natural parent.
Do NOT, and I repeat, do not argue about it in front of the kids. Never let them see you divided. If you are not married yet, best thing to do is discuss what you will do, and how you will handle i,t BEFORE marriage. If you are married, its OK. Just do it now.
Put up a list of family agreed upon rules. Paste it on the fridge. Then when someone breaks that rule, there is no bad guy or "heavy" coming down on them. They realize that they just simply broke the rule that's on the fridge and now they have to take whatever punishment you and your spouse (and we included our children in this decision as well) had decided upon ahead of time.
2. Another issue is birthdays. I know, how can a birthday be a problem? Well, if one spouse goes all out for birthdays, and one spouse thinks a cupcake and a card will suffice, your going to have issues. Which brings us back to a point I made in example number one. COMMUNICATE. Talk to your spouse in private and discuss these things. It will alleviate HUGE fights later.
3. The x-spouse. Oh, this is a big one my friends. Especially if the x-spouse seems to be satan's right hand man (or woman). Never talk bad about that other parent in front of the kids. It will only make the kids mad at you and think less of you. Thankfully, I knew not to do this one ahead of time, and I have not and will not ever talk bad about their other parent. Not a good idea. Even if they earned the "title" you might want to give them.
4. Eat together. At least twice a week. Use this time to ask them how they are doing. Hows school, how are their friends, etc. Let them know about your week too. Then if anyone in the family is going through a hard time, after dinner, stop and pray about that together as a family. Teamwork. Always remain a team. United.
5. Rebellious teen or child. They need A LOT of love. They are acting out because they are hurting and having trouble dealing with their parents divorce. In some situations, counseling is your best bet, even if they don't want to. If you can go through your church, I would suggest that first. Why? Well, mainly because you know they will have the same set of values that you do.
6. Do at least one family fun night, weekly if you can. Make it the same day at the same time so that no one ever forgets. Play a board game, go fishing, go for a hike or bike ride together. SOMETHING. Families that can have fun together have a much healthier relationship than those who are distant and shut off from each other. Technology can be a good thing, but not when it interferes with the relationship you have with each other.
7. Not last, because this is the most important. Keep God front and center at all times. NEVER leave Him out of your marriage, out of your house, or out of your life. He is the key to succeeding.
I hope this has helped you in some way and been a blessing to you. If it has, please pass it on to someone else.